“No man would ever date a feminist.” – My date who clearly didn’t even know why he didn’t like feminists/womanists, but just knew all men didn’t want them.
This man didn’t realize that he needed me. He needed the womanist that I am; he needed a Black feminist to stand by him as a Black man. Plenty of men just assume that feminism is some movement that allows women to “man bash” or that it is geared towards just being “annoying”.
I get it can seem this way when there are some misguided people/women who hop on the “men are trash” gravy train and only spit out relationship rhetoric, when indeed it has nothing to do with dating practice issues between the sexes. That’s a minuscule issue in the grand scheme of things, but before we get into this, let us explore briefly what womanism and feminism is. Because some of you have it twisted, women included.
Feminism can be understood as a need for women’s rights. Simply put, it is the ideological and political belief that women deserve equal rights as men – equality of the sexes. Sadly, this idea did not fit the realm of being a Black woman, so moving forward, we had what was considered Black Feminism, and furthermore, womanism.
Womanism was coined by African-American author, Alice Walker, who is famously known for her novel, The Color Purple. She later went on to use the term Womanist in one of her later works, Search of Our Mother’s Garden: Womanist Prose.
Being a Womanist allows for the understanding of intersectionality and the complexities of being Black and a Woman. No longer do we have to fight sexism or racism, but rather we can fight both.
Why wouldn’t you want a woman who not only fight for YOUR Black ass along with being able to stand up for herself and vocalize her needs and wants?
For too long Black women were fighting in the shadows of the biggest movements that brought about change. Though feminism allowed for women to be given certain rights, Black women were still forgotten and still considered at the bottom of the barrel in comparison to white women. Aside from that slap in the face, the Civil Rights Movement kept Black men at the forefront and kept Black women as a small part. Womanism coins our fight for “us” – finally.
So, why do you need to date a Womanist?
1. To her, there’s no competition.
This might seem like a weird concept, but all women are not catty. Usually, we are told by society that we are in competition with each other for penis, this is a lie that most women who transcend the patriarchal brainwashing realize and shake free of. Tired of that chick that has to scroll through your phone or feel the need to be in drama with women all the time? Guess what? Womanists usually carry the notion of mutual respect for other mature women and don’t stoop to trivial levels of petty over men, including you.
Don’t give her a reason to feel disrespected and things shall be peachy.
2. She knows and understands the struggle of racism.
The idea that dating within your race is an automatic win, is a lie. We should know by now that different people have different levels of consciousness, but understand that a Womanist has not only taken notice of her inequalities in society as a woman, but has noticed race as an issue, as well. Want a woman who will not only be at the forefront of any fight for racial equality, but also be there to fight with and for you, this is your woman. The womanist understands your oppression, as well as her own, and is here to relate and uplift.
3. She’s independent, but knows the art of submission.
Careful. When I say submit, I simply mean that she is aware of the necessary structure of respect and mutual understanding between two people in order to have a successful relationship. She has the capability to run her own life, but can also operate beside someone, equally.
4. She knows what she deserves and asks for nothing less.
Being that a Womanist knows the oppression that surrounds her and wants to change these things, she will not allow worthless characters to continuously waste her time. She knows she deserves certain things and her standards are also reasonable and tangible. If you cannot meet them, perhaps you need to also think introspectively and fix your own issues.
I hear men always speak about women not having “self-respect”, well, guess what? This woman has so much respect for herself that she won’t allow someone who isn’t up to her standards to be in her view.
5. She’s vocal in the bedroom.
A Womanist is not held down by society’s ideals on what a woman “should” be like when it comes to her sexuality. She has explored it fully, is comfortable with it, and will gladly let you know what it is she needs in the bedroom. Men always claim they want a sexual partner who knows what they’re doing – well here she is.
6. She’s career and goal driven.
She wants to break barriers and do big things. Big being subjective, but regardless, she has goals and they will be obtained. You want the woman who is going places, right? Since apparently, y’all think women just want your money all the time. Well, guess what? She’s trying to make her own coins and you’re not her crutch. Get with her or stay ashy.
She can upgrade you like Beyonce, okay?
7. She’s woke.
This is understood by now. A Womanist is conscious and aware. Get you a “woke bae”.
In the end, this all might still seem like it is unnecessary to have. But, having an equal relationship is a healthy relationship. If all you want to focus on is that she is calling you out on some problematic practices that oppress women, then it might be you that is the actual issue. Until you fix that, bless up!
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